Pleasing at any cost?

I was raised to always please at any cost, strive for the approval of others, not express my own opinion … In short, to put others first, hide myself in a dark corner, and simply ignore my desires and wants. I always thought others were better than me in every way: that they knew more than me, that they could do things better than me … That's how I lived a large part of my life.

And then I was literally thrown into the world of entrepreneurship. That's when all my limiting beliefs, all my fears, all my blockages came to the surface in all their magnitude. I was faced with a huge challenge: continue to put myself in the background just to be likable and accepted and consequently burn out, or finally start listening to myself, expressing myself in my own way, and ultimately accept that I will never be liked by everyone and that it's perfectly fine and natural?

The decision that changed everything

But of course, it's easier to talk about all this than to put it into practice. When Jure and I opened what was then Stara pošta seven years ago, I was a completely different person: I was afraid to set a price for my products and services, I was afraid to open the door to tourists who came to us because I thought I didn't have enough knowledge and that I simply wasn't good enough to offer guests anything worthwhile.

I thought that in situations where someone wanted to lower the price of my services and products, I simply had to give in and offer things to him practically for free and submit to him in every way. In such situations, I felt as small as a pea. It was terrible for me because I knew I was going against myself (again).

It was the same with people around me. I desperately wanted to please people in my area. Because I'm not a local, I thought I had to earn the favor of people in Jezersko at any cost and try to please them in every possible way. But it didn't work. Trying to please everyone in the long run is completely impossible, and things eventually reach their limit. And then I had to decide what I wanted to stand for and what not. I had to accept the fact that in life, I will never be liked by everyone, no matter how hard I try. Period.

My biggest 'aha moment' came at a herbal workshop I attended. In a conversation with a lady, I received a message that turned my world upside down. In the conversation, the lady told me how important it is to figure out what we don't want in life. At first, I didn't understand what she meant by that. At the age of 40, I wasn't satisfied with my business story or my personal life. And then I get asked what I don't like or don't want in my life. It was like someone hit me in the head with a club. That question was the trigger that 'turned on' all the lights in my head, all the alarms in my body. When I got home, I took a pencil and a notebook and started writing and writing. I really took my time and wrote about everything I didn't want in my life.

I came to many, previously completely unknown insights. I realized that in moments when I forget myself, I simply can't give people what's in me. I realized that when I do things my way, when I truly express myself authentically and genuinely, that's when the real Tanja can emerge. Tanja, who is not made up and who doesn't behave in a certain way just to be liked by others.

From theory to practice

Well, theory is one thing, in practice I later often faced challenges and trials with which life tested me if I really believe strongly enough in what I think. I better not even write how many times I failed the test. People were constantly coming who wanted a lower price for my products and services, I constantly experienced various forms of manipulation. But at some point, I was so fed up with it all. I told myself I was going all in or nothing at all.

I decided how much my product was worth to me and I stood by that price. I no longer allowed anyone who wanted to test my worth in any way. I started to realize my uniqueness, I started to appreciate my difference, my energy, my story, my experiences, my learnings … Once I truly became aware of this and then put it into practice, the people who previously wanted to lower the price suddenly began to drop off.

And today the picture is completely different for me. My guests appreciate what I offer them. They appreciate and respect my authenticity, they appreciate my products and services. And that's the real thing for me. Those are the real feelings that fill me with an unlimited amount of energy. There's no room for pretending in my life anymore. When I'm authentic, when I'm simply who I am, everything falls into place. And I know exactly when I forget myself and go against myself, because I immediately get hit over the head.

I know that many people are facing similar dilemmas. And to all of you, I urge you: Pleasing at any cost never brings good results. In this way, I was always extinguishing more, losing my compass, feeling trapped. But one decision - to be who I am - changed everything. To get to where I am today, I had to go through countless battles, trials, challenges … But it was worth it, because today I finally feel free - I can finally be me. But I had to decide that myself.
 

Treat yourself to a piece of nature in your home and visit our herbal shop!
 
 

BACK